You’re not just drafting a quarterback, you’re drafting a controversy too!

Congratulations are in order for Detroit, New York and Tampa Bay. These franchises didn’t just get the 3 least versatile athletes in the first round of the NFL draft. The selections of Matt Stafford, Mark Sanchez, and Josh Freemen aren’t simply unproven players who can only play the most expensive/slowest-developing position with the lowest success rate in pro football. With drafting a quarterback in an early round, in the NFL draft, you also get the built in headache of constant questions about when the rookie is going to “start”. I’m writing this two days after the picks have been made and that question has already been posed to all 3 player and all 3 head coaches multiple times. Of course the current prevailing theory on rookie quarterbacks, according to people who talk about football in the media, is that they need to sit and learn from a veteran. For the record, all 3 teams seem to have veteran starters in place. However, this situation usually only fans the flames of conservatory. If the vet is perseeved to play poorly early, then there is a clamor to get the young guy some “experience”. The “talking heads”/fans, usually start using this argument when the team is losing, which means that most of what the rookie QB will experience is: “what it’s like to suck”. The “learning on the job” approach does stop the “when will he start” questions, but unless he’s the .0001% that’s actually ready that young (Dan Marino/Matt Ryan) or the .01% that’s ready enough to be on a great team (Ben Rothesberger/Joe Flacco) then you run the risk of getting the “bust” talk going. If the vet is successful as the starter, you get the “who’s the QB long-term” questions. You have that question because you have the legitimate problem of who to play, the guy who’s proven you can win with him or the kid you’re paying more money to, in order to sit on the bench? Then you’re being badgered with the question “why did you draft a guy so high when you already had a good quarterback?” Which is a good question, because any weakness your team has, could have probably been helped by a guy you could have drafted instead of the kid you’re paying pro-bowl money to for him to hold a clip-board. I’m not saying that you shouldn’t draft a quarterback in the first round, I’m just saying that this what you should expect when you do

Why even interview NFL Coaches

There is no bigger waste of time than a media interview with a current NFL head coach, because they never say anything! If someone is experienced and intelligent enough to be the top guy at a franchise then he knows better than to give an honest opinion or the blunt truth to a reporter. It’s always the same vague, company-line bullshit. There’s been about 100 live interviews over the last two days at the NFL draft and they’ve been about as informative as a conversation with my asshole. Instead of wasting our time with all this live tele-conference interviews they should just wait to the end of the draft and say: “All NFL coach, have this to say:”:”we really like the players we got, we think they can come in here and help us. I can’t wait to get them in camp so we can really see what we got”. If a Head Coach does actually say anything informative to a member of the media the real news is he is about to be fired, because he is apparently to dumb to be a nfl coach!

Seahawks playing sanchez groupies for fools!

All this talk about Seattle picking Mark Sanchez at the fourth spot in the NFL Draft on Saturday is just one great bluff. The Seahawks are just trying to turn “Sanchez Mania” into more talent for less money than they could get with the Fourth overall selection. Realizing that you just have to give to much guaranteed money to an unproven rookie in the top 5 picks, they’re looking for a way out. They face the same problem that every team in the top 5 has faced the last couple of years, which is no one wants to trade for their pick. I can’t remember a time since 2004 (the year of Eli Manning) that any team has been able to trade a top 5 pick. (I’m not saying there hasn’t been, I’m just saying I can’t remember one, I’m to damn lazy to research it, you’re lucky I took the time to find that pic!) The secret is out, you’ve got just as good of odds drafting a pro bowler with 2 second round picks, as you do with a top 10 selection. Also, you spend around a 8th of the cap room on those two players as you would the top overall rookie. So Seattle was sitting around thinking they were stuck with a high pick like everyone at the top is, until they noticed how much attention Mark Sanchez was getting. There’s all this talk about how 4 or 5 teams think he’s the answer to their quarterback problem. Hoping all this is true, somebody got the brilliant idea to put it out there that they will pick him at 4. If all the chatter is true, some big-market franchise might be willing to send a whole lotta value to Washington state for the USC golden boy. This is all according to a source that spoke on the condition of anonymity, because they were not authorized to discuss it publicly.

by Devious Daryl: Another uninformed idiot with an opinion on sports

 

I’m shocked I made it through a whole blog posting about a guy named Sanchez and I managed to not put “dirty” in front of it once. That’s some real journalism shit right there!

In case you missed my sports headlines leading up to the superbowl

These were my twitter sport post leading up the super bowl last week:

New@ nfl experience, Pacman’s making it rain at the “scrip-club” obstacle course! bonus for most bitches slapped

New@ nfl experience: paternity suit Slots! Pull lever to “Fire away and pray”. Cause rubbers are for golfers!

SPORTSUPDATE: Farve calls press conference to complain that he hasn’t gotten enough attention in the last half hour

New@NFLexperience:”Legend’s autographs”: hurry while they still remember which name to sign!

New@NFLexperience: Peyton Manning…just n case a commercial breaks out….any commercial

New@NFLexperience: Arena League Football Players!…working the concession stands

New@NFLexperience: Even more ways for the NFL to make money off of you

NFLpresents: “VICK-experience”featuring:”Career toss…away” and “what happens in jail shower, stays in jail shower” game

DEVIANTRADIO-SPORTSBREAK! NFL says economy forces cutting of unnecessary personal. Detroit Lions laid off

Lastof “New@NFLexperience: Play vs. Actual Detroit Lions Players, chances of winning 50-50

Can’t even enjoy sports anymore!

I can’t handle the commercials shown during football games anymore. I’d like to be able to go 2 minutes without being reminded of my pending medical doom. I’ve seen so many erectile dysfunction spots that by halftime I’m usually just staring at my dick, waiting for it to scream fall over and die! Of course impotence might not be so bad, because according to the “cyalis” commercial a middle-aged man can’t get a bonner without disaster ensuing!(need 36 hrs to find 5 minutes to get off) Which your warned that you can only take this medicine if “your healthy enough for sex”! How am i supposed to find the will to go on when I’m being told that pretty soon my doctor is gonna tell me: “Well Daryl, I’ve got 8,000 different pills that can cure your E.D., but I can’t give you any of them because as a man past 30 your so physically fucked that the stress of that erection will kill you if the meteor dosn’t hit your house first.
But thats only one of the hurdles I’ll face, not only will my penis be useless for sex, i won’t even be able to pee without help!(gotta fix that “growing” problem) Fortunately my bowels will still move, in fact, they’ll be moving whether I won’t them to or not!(adult diapers) I just can’t wait to be the guy standing at the urinal straining with everything i have to piss in vain, while shitting myself the whole time! Turns out the prostate is the Ford Pinto of bodily organs!

This has been a Devious Daryl Venting

World of Warcraft: miniatures game

This is what you display in your house if you feel that a sign reading: “I’ve given up on ever seeing a vagina in person” just doesn’t quite get the point across.

The last “toys of the season” I think

I planned to end this series around Christmas, but I’ve been cruising the clearance isles and I’ve found some more real winners. These are all along the same lines so I’ll include them on one post, but I will give you separate jokes for each. So that makes you the big winner! Let me know which you prefer

Toy Washing Machine: Can be found in the isle marked “Honor your culture by promoting sex-based sterotypes”

 

My first Ironing Board: “Cause you get more money for the child-slaves that are already trained”

 

Another Toy Washing Machine: “Don’t get caught without a back-up plan if the misses escapes the basement”

This must be stopped

Billy mays is now selling life insurance! I have no idea for what company or if it was a good deal, i was too busy waiting to hear what kind of orange juicer/tampon cleaner i was gonna get for free if i ordered in the next 20 minutes! For what ever company it was, it was a bad move to hire mr. mays. I’m sorry, i’m not buying something as important as life insurance from the guy that pushes “mighty putty”. Some people have a voice and delivery that is soothing and inspires confidence, like Morgan Freeman*. Then there are people who are meant to star in half hour commercials, with lower production values than porn, which only exist to take advantage insomniac-shop-a-holics, Meth-addicts, stoned college kids, and those of us who are desperate to watch anything that can take our minds off whatever irrehensible acts we just masterbated to. You can’t let these people push items you actually need. Suzanne Summers can’t go from doing cooter crunchs to promoting Children’s Car seats. I wouldn’t trust that bitch with my pet rock, much less my kid. Tony Little can’t be the face of a Security System/Fire-alarm, that fucker hasn’t been able to figure out how to use a mirror since ‘85, how is he gonna know how to protect my family. Vince the “ShamWow” guy can’t sell me prostate medication! Yeah, the Germans have made some good stuff, you know what else they’ve made?…concentration camps! I don’t want my rags coming from Germany or my erections! And why in the fuck are you wearing that headset? You can’t have too many important things going on that your hands can’t be bothered with holding a phone! Besides if this bitch can’t figure out a “bluetooth” earpiece how can we trust his opinion on any new technology….I just figured it out, he’s got the headset on, because he’s on his break from “old navy”. Sham-Wow money can’t pay for all that hair gel!….If Billy Mays was holding an FDA approved cancer vaccine, I’d think twice before I bought it! I’d figure I’d be able to get it as the free gift with his AIDS vaccine 6 months from now!

* Morgan Freeman dosn’t talk, he radiates auditory warm hugs. Everything sounds better when Morgan freeman says it. Morgan Freeman could narrate my execution for a crime i didn’t commit, and when they throw the switch, I’d be glad they didn’t find the real killer. Morgan Freeman could stand up in a crowded 747 and scream “Praise Allah” and the passengers would just fucking cheer!

I’m ashamed

His ESPN spots, are kinda making me like Billy Mays. I will punish him for that!

Devious Daryl’s 5th nominee for “Toy of the Season” Mcdonalds play set

 

Sure you may see this as Mathematics/Life-Skills teaching device cleverly disguised as toy children will want to use because of it’s association with a popular eating establishment. However, think of how easily it could be misinterpreted as a statement about someone’s child future employment prospects.